Peanut Butter Therapy

For me one of life's greatest pleasures is peanut butter. On our way home from my bros, I announced to my wife I had a craving for ice cream. Turns out I was really craving peanut butter. We stopped at County Market where I sought out Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby which has peanut butter filled pretzels in it. Fortunately for my waistline, they were out. But spurred on by my love of peanut butter I decided to further explore the aisles and see what new and exciting things Big Snack (aren't all corporate cabals supposed to be "Big" now?) was doing with it.

First stop was the cereal aisle. Nothing new there. Same thing on the cookie aisle. On second thought, the Elves had created some kind of Tagalong knock off I'd never seen before, but that was probably just new to me. Despite the abundance of peanut butter flavored snacks, none of them caught my fancy. Mainly because I knew there was no real peanut butter in any of them. And most were too sweet for what I wanted tonight. Laurie, sensing my discontent, offered the novel suggestion that perhaps I should just have a peanut butter sandwich. We had a jar at home and I wouldn't have to spend a dime. Two butter-soaked, peanut butter-laden English muffins later and my Jones has been satisfied, which now frees me to think of other things. Or more accurately, my peanut butter preoccupation has been subdued enough to allow other things to pop into my head. Like Mel Gibson for instance.

Yesterday I read somewhere that Mel was using a press junket for his latest film, Apocalypto, to lay into Bush. He said Bush and his team were not unlike the corrupt Mayan rulers in his film, in that they used fear to retain power. What galled me about this statement was not that he was coming out against Bush, but that somehow Bush is the only one to have ever used fear as a lever. Don't get me wrong, I like Mel. A lot. But fear is to politicians what sex is to Madison Ave.

"If you don't vote for us, Republicans are going to toss you out on the street without any food!" "If you don't vote for us, Republicans are going to poison your water!" "If you don't vote for us, Republicans are going to knock up your daughters and make them get back alley abortions!" Or the one that seems to evoke the greatest hysteria, "If you don't vote for us, Republicans are going to make you go to church!"

No politician anywhere at anytime in history has won with the campaign slogan, "Everything's fine." That said, I might agree with Mel that Bush lied to us about WMDs. But if he did he was only trying to keep alive a lie that had been so very useful to the previous administration when it was looking to pitch a little fear in order to divert attention from trouble at home. Only Bush was apparently too dumb to realize that if you actually invaded Iraq, it would blow the whole con. Or was he?

I don't know. Frankly, and this will come as a source of great satisfaction to my Democrat friends, I don't know what to think of the guy anymore. He and the soon-t0-be minority Republican congress seem to have spent the last several years trying to out-Democrat Democrats. First there was the enormous prescription drug benefit that appears to be of little benefit. Then there was the knee jerk pledge of trillions of dollars to a sinking city. Say what you will about the "Bridge to Nowhere", at least it actually went to an island that will still be there in 50 years or so. Who can say the same for New Orleans? Between feckless leaders like Nagin and geology, I'm guessing it won't be long before we see another flooded bus yard. And finally, his most-recent suggestion that the National Guard patrol the border to make it look like he's doing something about illegal immigration. Not since Carter's rescue attempt of the hostages in Iran have I seen such a desperation move from the White House.

Clearly P J O'Rourke was right:

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.

Mmmm. Peanut butter.